Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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