Pants 0. Shit 1.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
