i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
