I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
