So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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