don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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