Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
