i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
