It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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