I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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