Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's like heaven, but drunker
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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