The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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