I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
