My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
