I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
