He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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