But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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