i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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