Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
