Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
