Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
