i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
