you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
