On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
