I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
