I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All the doctor said was why
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
