In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just saw a hot homeless man
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
