turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
