call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
