never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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