I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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