I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
