I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
