I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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