i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Shame - the story of my life.
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