Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
