you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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