I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
