did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
