Do you still have your period?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
