I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
