Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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