Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
