toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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