Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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