You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
