If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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