if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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