honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
