I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
