2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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