Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've blown a few things in my day
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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