You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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