wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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