think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
