I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
