Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
