Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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