see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
