you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
