Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
