good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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