What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
