she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
