When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
