oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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